The FIFA World Cup Sucks

Before the world’s one billion soccer afficionados get all up in arms and start a full scale, level one soccer riot, I actually think the World Cup is kind of cool. You know, an Olympics-sized massively scaled sporting event that is fun to follow, fun to watch, and fun to talk about.

Yes, the World Cup has its charm – in a sporting, once every four years kind of big event sort of way. Even though it’s an almost certain fact that the same five or six countries (Brazil, Germany, Italy, Argentina) seem to win it every time they play it, I like the way all of the fans of all of the other countries of the world, you know, the ones who never win anything, still care about it anyway.

Fans are passionate. Fans get excited (even as the score inevitably ends up only being 1 to 0 – not one to zero or nothing, mind you, but One – Nil). Yes, the event succeeds as a spectacle with next to no scoring and is a world class event.

But the FIFA World Cup sucks. Where in the hell does the Fédération Internationale de Football Association get off forcing a worldwide event like the World Cup into having their initials carved into the official name?

Do the Olympics call themselves the IOC Olympic Games? No, they do not.

Does the National Hockey League force their initials in front of the Stanley Cup? No, there is no NHL Stanley Cup.

Does the National Football League force their NFL initials in front of the Super Bowl? No, it kind of says it all by just being The Super Bowl.

The real elite events of sports do not need to put the federations who run their event’s NAME as part of the event. It’s NOT cool.

Wait. Maybe The Masters golf tournament has the initials PGA in front of it. Nope, not them either.

Baseball, yeah! The World Series. Maybe it has an MLB in front of it? Uh, no

No, the real big time sporting events have their identity, their trophy, their name that makes them cool.

But FIFA forces the World Cup to be the FIFA World Cup.

And that makes them cheesier than the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl.

And that makes the FIFA World Cup suck.