Gluten: For Punishment
I accidentally got stuck eating some gluten-free cereal the other day. I had heard about that ingredient being in foods for a long time, but I had never tasted it. My conclusion? It was horrible. It tasted like sawdust. I think I know what gluten-free means. They take out whatever it is that tastes good and they replace it with sawdust. Mmmmmmm. Sawdust.
I’m thinking prisons might start instituting gluten-free diets for their prisoners. I’ll bet THAT would help to make the person who is thinking about a life of crime think twice.
Memo to self. Great title for a book. Gluttons for gluten.
But this is an article about people in the sports world who are gluttons for punishment.
Like Roger Federer.
Roger Federer used to be the best tennis player in the world. He may be in the conversation as being one of the best players who ever lived. There’s only one big problem with that. (Or two, as we will see later). The main problem with Roger Federer’s quest to be the best ever is that he just so happened to be born at the wrong time.
He happens to be playing at the exact same time as two of the “other best ever players” who also happened to be playing in his era. Federer has won 17 major singles titles, the most of any player ever, but when Rafael Nadal was in his prime (he still might be, but no one knows if his injuries will heal or if his injuries have taken their toll on him), Federer couldn’t beat Nadal on clay. While Federer was supposedly the best player ever, Nadal picked off 14 majors on Roger’s watch. Once Novak Djokovic reached his prime, Federer couldn’t beat him either. That’s 10 for Djokovic and he’s definitely in his prime NOW, with three majors under his belt this year.
If Federer had quit while he was on top, he could have still won his 17 majors (he hasn’t won one since 2012) and his legendary status would be intact. But he kept having to play tennis. He was good enough to beat everyone else. He was good enough to keep thinking he was talented enough to win another major, but he really isn’t anymore. He’s lacking just enough game to beat the best players now, and appears destined to be stuck on 17 (as long as Djokovic is still playing). Djokovic is simply a better version of what Federer used to be. Now? Federer is just a glutton for punishment.
Like Jim Furyk.
Jim Furyk, the golfer with the backswing that looks like a pretzel wrapped up inside of a cannoli, is golf’s version of the guy who is TOO talented of a player to not be continuing their career and earning the good money tour players make by playing golf, but who is not good enough to beat the best of the tour, especially while any of them are playing THEIR A game. A nice guy, respected for getting the maximum out of his playing ability, he’s 45 years old, looks 55, and seems like he’s been around long enough to be 65.
He stays up there in contention most weeks, which is admirable, but he always seems to fade just a little bit down the stretch and always seems to come up short in the end. There’s almost always somebody, usually an elite player, but sometimes it’s just the journeyman pro, who happens to be on top of their game THAT week, who always seems to be able to beat him. Even when he’s leading late in a tournament, you can almost bet that he WON’T have what it takes to close it out.
At this stage of Jim Furyk’s career, he has a fatal flaw in his game (not the full swing, by the way, more like short game stuff) that keeps him from being a consistent winner anymore. In a sport that breeds the type of competitor that can’t be beat who just lives to be able to win golf tournaments, Furyk has become the guy who CAN be beat. Nice guys don’t finish last. They finish fourth.
Or Oakland Raider football fans.
Oakland Raider fans are the truest gluttons for punishment in all of sports. Their team has been losers for over a decade. They haven’t won a Super Bowl since Ronald Reagan was President. They somehow scraped a good season together about 15 years ago and MADE a Super Bowl, but they haven’t even come close since they got screwed out of a game against New England created by the famous phantom Tuck Rule call.
Raider fans are admirable for their incredibly, perverse loyalty for their team, that they know, deep down, is really bad. Their fans are the only fan base in all of sports that probably averages four to five hours of pre-game preparation time to put on their costumes and make-up before descending upon their stadium “The Black Hole” to go root for their team in the party like atmosphere that is otherwise known as their home games.
They get excited before the games start, they show up to games in full, Mad Max, Road Warrior-type costumes and get fired up for their team, only to be let down by the product that shows up on the field. These fans deserve better than the mess that Al Davis created, then left them, and is being continued by his (family led) successors.
“The Autumn Wind is a pirate,
Blustering in from the sea…
… The Autumn wind is a Raider…”
The fans of the Oakland Raiders have long enjoyed playing up the image of marauding pirates. One only hopes the fans behave themselves enough to stay out of prison, though, lest they suffer an indignity worse than that of being a Raider fan during all of the losing they have done lately. And that would be getting served gluten-free food in prison. Or is it sawdust? I can’t tell the difference.
