Don’t Cha Just Hate It

Don’t cha just hate it when one of the teams on Monday Night Football with a big lead plays prevent defense and they give up so many yards and meaningless touchdowns late in the game that it PREVENTS you from winning your week in fantasy football? (hey coach, some day you’re gonna get fired, and I’ll tell you right now, there are gonna be a LOT of happy people once you’re out of that job).

Don’t cha just hate it when a team on ANY week that has a big lead plays prevent defense and they give up a couple of meaningless touchdowns late in a game and it PREVENTS you from winning your bet against the spread? (the object isn’t to just win, baby, it’s to cover).

Don’t cha just hate it when that star wide receiver you’ve got on your fantasy team to be that stud #1 guy gets turned into a freakin’ decoy by some sorry ass offensive coordinator so he can run all kinds of plays to all of the other receivers on the team EXCEPT your guy? (Hey Mr. Offensive Coordinator, but they pay me ten million dollars a year. We’ve thrown the ball fifty times today. I ran my ass off on patterns all fifty times and you targeted me twice? Throw me the damn ball).

Don’t cha just hate it when the General Manager of your favorite team decides so and so player just isn’t any good anymore, and he gives him away for absolutely NOTHING and that so and so player goes on to have a Hall of Fame type career on ANOTHER team? (I’m talking about YOU Mr. GM’s of the teams that let Jerome Bettis and Wes Welker become stars on other teams. Nice jobs as recognizers of talent).

Don’t cha just hate it when the a certain team of referees call about nine penalties for ninety yards against one team and about one penalty all game, maybe a five yard make up call late in the game against the other team? (like we fans watching on TV don’t look up on the Internet and find out that one of you guys has a kid goes to the same school you were favoring? Like we don’t notice that that same pass interference call that WAS a penalty against the one team was somehow NOT called when it happened the other way? Stop cheating, refs).

Don’t cha just hate it when a team is losing by five touchdowns, and on a play where the opposing team throws still another 15 yard completion for a big gain, and when one of the defensive players makes a rare, good, solid tackle, he has to launch himself into the “I’m the baddest ass mo’fo’ of all time sack dance” and he takes so long doing it, the offense has already lined up and run another play right past Mr. I.M. Bad? (that’s right, you bad… NOT).

Don’t cha just hate it when an SEC team is playing a team from the Western Coastal Technological Conference and you know the score is going to be at least 63 to nothing and yet the announcers try to convince you that this is a legitimate college football game? (uh, we’re not stupid. We know a scheduling cupcake when we see one).

Don’t cha just hate it when that TV fantasy football expert absolutely convinces you to change that starting wide receiver you were leaning toward to HIS stone cold lock start of the week breakout star, and HIS number one ranked stud turns out to be the stone cold dud of the year with one catch for nine yards, while YOUR pick would have gone for ten catches, 150 yards and two touchdowns? (The Who wrote a song about this — “We Won’t Get Fooled Again” — so why don’t we listen)?

And don’t cha just hate it when the TV camera is on a closeup of that really hot cheerleader on the sidelines and then they cut away back to the action in a boring, blowout game? (Throw us a bone, Mr. Director. We’re watching your shitty game. Let us see the hottie).