Christmas in July
The Cleveland Cavaliers have just announced that they have traded their second round draft pick, center Rakeem Christmas, to the Indiana Pacers for a future draft pick, rumored to be their 2019 second round pick. Pacer fans must be pinching themselves. Christmas in July.
July is a good month. It’s right there in the middle of summer. My birthday’s in July. The 4th of July is in July. Someday, I fear the politicians will move July 4th to the second Monday in August and change the name of it to August Moon Day because it sounds more politically correct (or they’ll change it if some lobbyist bribes them with enough cash to get them to “change their mind”). But for now, it’s in July. The same month that pro football players report to training camp. Do I hear a big “Yeah, baby” from all the pro football fans out there?
Sports fans are also getting ready for basketball and hockey seasons. Basketball had its Summer League games. I’d like the job of a pro basketball player. Here’s your job, son. You practice basketball. Then, you play basketball. Oh, and by the way, here’s five million bucks a year to PLAY basketball. Basketball is a fun sport to play.
Hockey had their rookie development camps just end. They get to skate around and practice shooting pucks. Hockey is a fun sport to play if you were born in Canada, eh? Except you might get your teeth knocked out. My dad used to make fake teeth for hockey players that got their teeth knocked out. I like having my own teeth.
I’ll tell you one hockey team that went from being pretty good to being pretty toothless, and that is the San Jose Sharks. The Sharks were good enough to be up THREE TO NOTHING in a series against the team that was good enough to win the Stanley Cup in 2014. But they LOST that series. They used to always make the playoffs. Then, they got lousy all of a sudden. They missed the playoffs. They fired their coach. Now the Sharks kind of suck.
Sharks like to swim around all day long and look for food. They like chomping on things with their sharp teeth. Has anyone ever given thought to the idea that skin divers and surfers who do their thing in waters that contain man-eating sharks are literally telling these sharks that “hey, if you can’t find enough fish to eat, I’m available too?” You don’t see skateboard parks running right through the middle of the lion exhibit at the zoo. Sharks often can’t tell the difference between a surfer, a swimmer, a sea lion or a sea bass. It’s THEIR home you are swimming in, snorkelers. You don’t see sharks coming into the human world on dry land and getting hammered in the middle of your dance clubs, do you?
Except, you DO see sharks come onto dry land in “Sharknado” movies. Because of tornadoes that started out over the sea, and with sharks flying around within the swirling winds, they come flying into people’s lives on land and they eat all of the unlikeable and “deserving” people that get in their way. Like obnoxious vegans; and stuffy, high society types; and mean corporate big shots; and crazed NASCAR fans; and evil politicians; and people who are TOO politically correct; and the most deserving shark bait of all… BLOGGERS. I like “Sharknado” movies.
“Jaws” was a movie about sharks. That shark ate people too, only his conquests weren’t as much fun as those in the “Sharknado” movies. Those “Jaws” shark attacks seemed real. That movie was trying to scare people into being afraid of going into the water. Kind of like now, only now, with all of the footage on YouTube, and all of the ESPN stories about shark attacks, people STILL seem to be going into the water. Shark (thinking to himself, after just having eaten a swimmer) – “Mmmm, kinda tastes like chicken.”
Steven Spielberg directed “Jaws.” He also directed “E.T.”, and “Close Encounters,” and “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” and “Jurassic Park,” and “Schindler’s List,” and “Saving Private Ryan,” And “War Horse.” I really liked “War Horse.” Not enough people saw “War Horse.” That horse was something else. He was even better than American Pharoah.
Steven Spielberg has never really ever directed a sports movie. Or, a real Christmas movie. I think he should direct a movie that’s about both sports and Christmas. Like “Christmas With American Pharoah.”
I for one am excited about Christmas this year. The presents. The time off work. Seeing family. Did I mention the presents? I sometimes worry that the people who have put themselves in charge of the way we are supposed to think and do things, you know, the politically correct THUGS, I mean, people, I fear that THEY are going to try to change Christmas into another name and another day. Kind of like, on the Monday of the Fourth Week of December, we are hereby changing what Christmas used to be and are now going to call it “Happy Holiday Day.” Ugh. That would suck.
Wouldn’t it be great if, somehow, in real life, sharks like the ones in “Sharknado” could, you know, DO SOMETHING to all of those evil people that are trying to force us into what we can think, say and do? You know who they are. The spineless politicians, the sense of humor-less people with agendas, the politically correctivists. Hey guys, we’ve got you an all-expense paid snorkeling trip off the coast of North Carolina. Chomp, chomp, chomp.
But, I guess that is just a Christmas wish. It is still a little bit too early to think of such things at this time of year. We are, after all, still only in July.
